Men, Women, and Cars

What is it about women and motor vehicles that leads men to automatically assume we're a bunch of unknowledgeable idiots? (Of course, my enlightened male readers excepted!)

Wednesday morning, I got in my state car to head up the happy highway to work. I started smelling something funny, and approximately .1 miles down the road, smoke started pouring out the vents. No dummy I, I turned that rig around and headed back to the VDOT lot where I park her. Because I am now cell phone-less, I had to go back home and call the state's vehicle management center.

The conversation went roughly as follows:

Me: Yes, I'm an employee for the Dep't for the Blind and just got out of my state car. There is smoke pouring through the vents.

VMCC Guy: What do you mean?

Me: There's smoke coming in through the vents.

Guy: Did you turn the heat on?

Me: The a/c was on, yes.

Guy: Well, can you drive it to the garage?

Me: I'm not driving it anywhere.

Guy: Well, I can't just authorize a tow for any reason.

Me: This isn't just any reason. THERE IS SMOKE POURING THROUGH THE VENTS OF THE CAR.

Guy: Can you put your driver on the phone? I know you ladies from the department have drivers.

(This really got my dander up)

Me: Listen here, I am fully sighted. I am the sole driver of the car. I saw smoke coming through the vents, and I parked the car and I am calling you. Someone better pick that car up and repair it, because I am not driving it any further. I wouldn't drive it if it were my car, and I'm sure as hell not driving it since it's your car.

(Silence)

Guy: Can you turn the car on and turn the heat off and tell me what happens?

Me: I'm not at the car at this point, I'm at home. I don't have a cell phone. [Doesn't that just freakin' figure?!]

Guy: Well if I'm going to send a tow truck over there, you're going to have to go drop off your key anyway. Go over there and then call me back.

Me: Fine.

I go over to VDOT, and do as he says, and the smoke is gone, but a strange smell of burning or melting plastic or something is now coming into the car. I check all my stuff to make sure nothing is touching the vents or nothing could be melting and find nothing.

So I go into the VDOT facility where I park it, which I should have done in the first place, and ask to use the phone. Where I get guy #2.

Guy: Well, all this sounds rather vague. I'm not sure I can authorize a tow. Can you be more specific about what the problem is?

Me: There was smoke pouring through the vents. It was gray and smoky. There is now a smell of burning or melting plastic. I am not driving the car to a garage. I am not turning the car on again.

Guy: Where did you say you were?

Me: Falmouth VDOT.

Guy: That's S-A-L-M-Y-T-H??

Me: F-A-L-M-O-U-T-H.

Guy: S-A-L-M-O-U...

Me: F! As in Frank. F!

Guy: Oh, F.

(You can say that again)

Guy: Can you hold while I try to get Tony at the garage?

Me: Sure. (What the hell? I know Tony--he'll tell me it's gonna be a while)

Guy: Ok, I'm back.

(Congratulations)

Guy: Ok, Tony says he can't get there for a couple of hours.

Me: Fine. I'll leave the key.

Guy: He says you won't have your car for at least 3 days. (said in the tone of "I'm going to take your favorite toy away since you can't play nice.")

Me: Fine by me. I'm not driving it while it's smoking.

Guy: Ok (as in "Fine, if that's the way you want to be, lady.")

Me: Bye.

Now, all things considered, I held my temper pretty well. But come on, please, who in their right minds is going to drive a smoking vehicle to a garage? Jeez, I particularly don't like those kind of macho men who think I have no brain just because I don't happen to have a Y chromosome.