Feelin' Blah

It's 12:18AM here in Fredericksburg, a day of crappy assed weather is passed us. Looks like I'll have no excuse about going to work later on this morning, the plows have been through and as long as the sun comes out and melts the ice, I'll have no choice but to go and get in the car and drive up to Fairfax for another thrilling day.

I'm feeling depressed tonight, for reasons I can't figure out... I mean, a lot of petty crap is annoying me right now, but nothing that would contribute to my overall feeling of malaise.

You ever just have those times when you're in a funk? I hate it!!! AUGH! I absolutely hate it.

Ok, so here's a brief list of the petty crap that's pissing me off right now, without getting into too much detail:

1. The Patriots lost today. Granted, they played football like a bunch of blind kindergartners, but, as I said, it's petty.

2. Today was my husband's birthday, and we had tickets to go see the Capitol Steps. So instead, we get a snow and sleet storm and are housebound all day. We wind up playing Yahtzee and another dice game, called 10,000, which I HATE!!!! Oh my God, do I hate playing 10,000. I HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT. It's the most boring freakin' game in the universe.

3. I'm reading this month's selection for the book club, and I hate the book. And I hate that I hate the book, because so far this year, I've loved all the books. But this one? I hate. And what really pisses me off is that I lost my copy of the book, so I went out and bought another copy of it, and then today, opened the Yahtzee box, and some genius (probably me) had put my first copy of the book in the Yahtzee box. I mean, honestly, who the hell puts a book in a Yahtzee box!??! So now I have two pristine copies of this stupid book I hate.

4. I took a nap this afternoon and now I can't sleep.

5. I know a marvelous group of women here in DC, and they all complain that they haven't got any friends that they can hang out with and they miss female companionship, and then I try to make plans with people and everyone's too busy. GOD DAMN IT!!!! Just one of the things I absolutely hate about living here. But when I take a stand and say I'm staying in Fredericksburg with my husband, since no one wants to do anything, everyone thinks I'm pretty much a slavish little hausfrau who is looking to the man in her life for permission. And now, the one person I can always count on, my sister, is probably going to leave and I'll be stuck here, alone, without her. And the thought of that is killing me. Absolutely killing me. But I have to suck it up, and be supportive of whatever she has to do to get by.

6. I am so sick of working on my NaNoWriMo book, but I'm trying to get it ready for a writing competition. The story I've written is great--the plot is great, the characters are great, but the putting it together more or less is becoming a huge headache. Now there's some debate as to whether it's easy to follow or not--somehow my sister couldn't follow what was going on, and my husband had some trouble with it, but most other people didn't have any trouble. But for EVERYONE who's read it so far, it needs to be fleshed out more. And quite frankly, I couldn't give a crap if the whole cast fell in the Mississippi River and drowned--quite a feat considering they're living in Illinois. And I haven't gotten diddly squat done on it this weekend, because my in-laws are visiting, and I'd much rather spend time with them.

7. I bought the Little House on the Prairie books to do some research on the time period for my novel. I got the 5 book boxed set, and read the first 2 books, and went to read book three, and in someone's infinite wisdom, the box set includes books 1, 2, 4, 5, and 6. So I guess that whole "The first 5 books of the Little House series" thing on the box was a pile of crap.

8. I feel like I'm being a lousy mentor to the girl I'm mentoring for the Orphan Foundation of America.

9. There was one person who did not call Michael for his birthday today, and it REALLY pissed me off. I'll be damned if we're calling this individual on their birthday. If I have to rip the phone out of the wall. Michael has really put himself out there for that individual, and to me, this is a real slap in the face.

10. The windows in this house SUCK. This is the last winter we'll weather with these stupid windows in the house. Period. I don't care if I have to sell my plasma to afford new windows. These puppies are coming out. I'm also sick to death of the flooring in this house. It's going.

Okay, other things that are going on in my life at this moment...

1. My mom's divorce is final. Sayanora, Jerry. I hope this was the wake up call you so desperately need.

2. My aunt's mother died. I knew her a little bit, not very well, but feel sorry for my aunt, and my cousins who have lost their grandmother.

3. My in-laws are here. They're leaving tomorrow. We've had a really nice visit. And I think they're impressed with my cooking skills. And I "helped" my father-in-law install a new ceiling fan in the upstairs office. Tomorrow when they leave, the TV is probably going to take a much needed week-long hiatus and cease to work. And I won't know what to do with the silence. I always feel the same when my dad leaves.

4. Our dishwasher has been repaired. It somehow got broken on January 6th after our 3 Kings party, which meant that we had to wash all the pots and pans by hand. Rather, I had to wash it all by hand. And it took until Friday to get the stupid thing repaired. And then it cost twice as much for the labor as it did for the parts. I'm in the wrong business, when I could be making $100 per hour as a dishwasher repair guy (yes, this dude owns his own repair business, he doesn't work for Sears or anything like that).

5. I've started on my own little diet plan--nothing extravagant, but damn it can be a challenge not to slip back into my old habits. And I get cranky when I can't sit down and just mow through 3 cupcakes and a glass of coke. It's pretty much basics--no soda, no snacks after dinner, try to eat breakfast, healthy snacks during the day if I get hungry, and tons of water. This week I'll try to start getting on the treadmill. I feel better--but cranky. I guess I miss the sugar highs. But I'm not crashing the way I was--I used to come home after work where I had tons of sugar to get me through the day and wind up taking a two hour nap. That seems to have stopped, and I think that's a very good thing. But damn, Slimfast shakes are nasty.

Well, it feels pretty good to get this all out there. I'm still not tired, and am afraid of waking Michael up, so I'll probably sleep in the football chair tonight. He got to bed late on account of the freakin' Patriots game running till after 10pm, and then has to be up by 4, so I'm not going to be the one to wake him up. Thanks for listening.