Not a whole lot to report, but I will probably wind up making this a longer post than I expect… It has been both busy and not so busy around here lately. Leah is keeping me on my toes. She seems to be going through some kind of a growth spurt, and she is extremely crabby one second and then laughing till she pukes the next second. Can babies have manic depression? I don’t know. But if they can, she’s got it.
This past weekend was nice. My sister and her family came over on Saturday and used the baby pools and brought stuff down for the yard sale. Our back room is getting filled to capacity. I will be so glad to get rid of all this stuff, you have no idea. My friend Cindy asked me if I was getting rid of the baby stuff, and I answered yes. Of course, the question arises, what if you adopt again?
This is a question I’ve been struggling with, particularly in light of the fact that so many of the SAHM’s I hang around with seem obsessed with the question of whether or not to have another baby. It is a discussion I attempt to avoid by leaving their company if it comes up, as it still evokes a lot of painful emotions for me.
The fact of the matter is, if we were to adopt again in the future, and I’m not ruling it out, there is so much to think about. First off is timing. Michael and I both agree that we are in no rush. Leah is literally a full time job, and I feel I owe it to her 150% to be involved in her growing up. I do not feel the need to add a sibling to her life any time soon. I don’t know if there are any studies about how much time between siblings is beneficial, but I know from watching other children around me that if I were to have a baby enter the picture in a year or two, my patience would be at its breaking point. If I were in my 20’s again, that would be one thing, but I am not. Let’s face facts. I’m going to be 35 this year (GULP!). I don’t have the energy of a young mom, and I don’t have the patience either. So it seems to me that it would better to wait until Leah is in school even part time before deciding to bring another newborn home. By that time, I will be pushing 40. Does it make sense to have another small infant when I’m 40 years old? I really don’t know. I mean, don’t get me wrong, if someone were to walk up to me on the street and say, “I’m giving my baby up for adoption and you are the one person on the planet I know I must give this baby to”, I would not turn them down, not even close. But it certainly gives me pause.
We have considered doing foster care and also adopting an older child. Part of our reasoning behind attempting this exchange student business is that we will gain some experience in parenting a teen. I don’t know that I would necessarily want to adopt a teenager, but to see how I can relate to a child who is not biologically mine and is not a sweet, cuddly little infant is going to be interesting. Again, we have time to think about it, but it’s good to try things out and see what we think about various things.
We have been looking into a day care situation for Leah to enter just one day per week already. This is for several reasons. I do feel she needs to socialize with other children on a regular basis, hopefully and particularly other non-white children. She is a good little girl, but she is a little rough with other babies and I think it’s because we spend a couple hours here and there with other children and then we go home and she’s able to pretty much do whatever the heck she wants. She is also extremely attached to me. Owing to the fact that this week I was at choir practice Sunday night and book club Monday night, tonight when Michael walked in the door, Leah had a death grip around my neck and threw a tantrum when I put her down. Finally I put her up to bed. I could not cook dinner and deal with not being able to put her down. We both feel that maybe a day off for me and a day with other people on a regular basis would be a good idea. However, I don’t want to send her off any more than one day a week. Unfortunately, we haven’t found any place that will take an infant for just a day. Most places don’t start that until the infants are 2 1/2. So for now, we are soldiering through and I am enjoying my time with her very much.
Another consideration is the cost. I don’t know that it is necessarily fair to spend all that money on getting another child when I could put that same amount of money away towards Leah’s first year of college. It really sucks to have to start that far behind the eight ball. Leah is worth it, another child would be worth it, but at the same time, financial aid offices at universities don’t see “paid +$30K in adoption fees to get this kid” and then decide to give you a full scholarship.
So, we’ll see what happens down the road. For now, though, we are going to get rid of a lot of stuff, as even if we were to have another baby enter our lives, it’s not worth storing everything. And since there’s no guarantee that it’ll happen, I’m not holding onto anything “just in case”.
I finished clearing out the house and closets. All I have to clear out now is the shed. We have rented a Uhaul to transport some furniture to my sister’s and to bring her stuff down here. I am going to call the Hospice thrift shop tomorrow and schedule for them to pick up anything that is left over. Nothing is going back in the house. Period. Then finally, I’ll be able to clear out the downstairs room, paint it up, and we will be able to have everyone over to do the wiring and move the radio gear and antennas. Then Mike and I will be able to take out what’s left of the fence. Yahoo!
Being back on WW hasn’t been too bad. I lost 4.4 pounds my first week, which was great. It has been a lot easier to have Mike on board. He is having a really hard time eating all his points. We have had to even make a post-dinner McDonald’s run to get him food to round out the points. I made a string of paper clips to represent the 100 pounds I want to lose and I’ve now taken 4 off. It’s a long chain, but I’m looking forward to watching it get shorter and shorter as we go on.
We have been sending lots of emails back and forth to Penny’s mom, but Penny is a bit shy at the moment, so we haven’t heard from her much. I sent her the package that I had been working on and it should get there next week. I hope she likes everything. We made her a CD of current popular American music, and sent her a personalized license plate from Myrtle Beach. She has a very nice family indeed. I am enjoying getting my morning emails from Linda and reading about the family and what they have been doing. Penny does not feel comfortable calling us Mom and Dad, so she has decided to call us Chief and Cookies. One guess as to where that idea came from.
Next weekend, we are heading north to NY to celebrate my dad’s retirement. I feel crappy about being able to go when I was not able to go for my mom’s surgery last month, but the timing for everything just turned out how it did. I don’t expect that I will get back to NY again this summer, and I will only be up there 48 hours or so, but that’s the way the cookie crumbles. Mom and I have been busy talking about her 60th birthday party. I am looking forward to getting down there for it. We are planning on renting a party barge van and all of us (my sister and her family and us) will drive down together. After the party, I plan to take Penny to Disney World while Leah stays home with her father. That will be my Florida trip for the year. So all we have to do is figure out when to get to Rhode Island and we’re in business. I printed out next year’s school calendar. It’s going to seem weird to be back on a schedule like that again. Although it really doesn’t make a whole lot of difference in the end.
That’s about all from here. There’s really not anything else going on. I guess that’s probably enough! :-)
1 pearl(s) of wisdom:
Well, now you don't have to walk away since all the SAHM's who talk about it - read your blog. It's a huge decision no matter how you go about adding/not adding another child. I definitely think that having another child would take away from our ability to save for college for 3 kids- so- there are the same concerns, just a little different. Micah is a high needs baby too, and I can't imagine adding another. I told Jason that if he had been our first- he would've been our last. Point is, everyone has different circumstances. But to explain it a little differently, I think of Leah as YOURS, she may have well come out of you as far as I'm concerned. And if she had, people would certainly be asking if/when you were going to add another. People ask me if I'm done now that I have a boy. When I got pregnant with Willa so soon after the death of Aleah- people thought they had a right to comment on that choice. Who knew reproductive choices were so talked about?
I know I think about it all the time. Micah starts screaming and I run to pick up the phone to reschedule Jason's V. On top of being so close to 35 (see, same issues....) I just need to bite the bullet and do it. I'm sorry I ever caused any discomfort in bringing it up around you. I hereby promise to avoid the subject. See ya tomorrow!
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