October

I can’t believe it’s October and I am sitting here.  How did three months go by?  What have I been doing?  Where has the time gone?  What would we have been doing these three months if Mike was still alive?

As the shock of all that has happened wears off, I find myself in the time of year that always made us so happy.  A cooling off period.  The summers here were something we never adjusted to, and the fall was such a welcome relief from the heat—a time we could come out of our cave and watch the world go by and imagine that we’d still be on our porch when we were in our 40’s, our 50’s, our 60’s, and beyond.

Fall always meant coming back together, holding hands, sitting closer to each other, waiting for his train with the windows down, road trips and apples and fresh air.  Now the days seem to stretch forever and they are so empty, so, so empty. I feel like the trees that, like it or not, are losing pieces of themselves but I have no hope that come spring, I’ll get them back.